So, last night didn't go super. I found it impossible to fall asleep. Thankfully God spared me from overwhelming anxiety and instead I was thinking about my dear family that has surrounded me. Despite those wonderful thoughts, exhaustion is no good for anxiety and depression. After finally sleeping I woke up tired and fearful. I saw a bruise on my leg and it was kind of big. A few inches at least. And I couldn't tell you where it came from. I became terrified...thinking of all the possible things that could be wrong with me to cause that. My Mom assured me that she has spent her life bruising like a peach and never knowing where they came from. Finally after a few hours I was able to breathe easier and think rationally about it. But it took all the little energy I had.

My Dear Dad came to the rescue and showed up at my house at 9 and proceeded to clean, fold laundry and help me take care of my sweet daughter (Son had Mothers Day Out today). If all that wasn't enough he drove me to the postpartum depression support group across town that I almost peed my pants walking into. As it turns out, support "group" is a loose defintion. I was the only one. Me and the therapist. As much as I want to hear other peoples stories so badly, and relate to other moms, it was nice. It was free. And in fact she encouraged me to bring my baby next time and not worry about a sitter. Its exhausting telling your story to someone that you don't know. But I liked her, and she cared and encouraged me. I'll be back there next Wednesday.

I'm thinking tomorrow is going to be a good day. I'm hopeful. Friday I have the psychiatrist appointment and my brother is off work and planning on spending the day with me and the kiddos.

In the meantime I'm counting on these promises:

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength. Isaiah 40:28-29

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10